File This One Under Stupid Sh*t You Are Never
Going To See Women Do
There are times when I just LOVE communal living. Visiting the swimming pool on a hot summer evening after Dumb and Dumber have been drinking it up pool side all day is one of them. (Dumb and Dumber are actually going to play in a major part in a second posting, so stay tuned, because these two are proof positive that some people should never be allowed to reproduce).
Last week, I was at the pool in a very advantages spot ~ where I had view of
everyone and every thing. Which suites me just fine as that means I can watch others and be as mentally vicious about swimsuit decisions as I want without anyone seeing my cellulite riddled thighs pressed against the lawn chair straps like a chicken on the grill. Yeah, it ain't a pretty picture ~ that's why I take the high spot.
Anyway, from my vantage point I was able to watch the Dumb and Dumber gang. They proved quite entertaining as they proceeded to run through what amounted to a small liquor store in about 3 hours. About 2 hours into it they decided it would be great fun to start throwing the football. Starting with the obligatory short tosses between the guys, they quickly moved on to the half-assed half-pool pass. This was followed by the aquatic version of the Super Bowl
complete with touch down dances that would have made T.O. proud. After a short half time break to replenish their thirst, the Dumb-Ass Gang decided to go for the long pass practice.
This is where it goes oh-so-wrong. Dumb and Dumber tired of their long pass practice and decide to make it more "challenging". Dumber decides that target practice would be best and oh, wouldn't these beer cans be handy-dandy targets. Instead of placing the cans on something practical, like say the pool side or lawn chairs, Dumber places it on his head. He then tells Dumb to throw the football and try to knock it off.
Yes, ladies it is hard to believe these men are single. First, they are throwing a semi-ridged pig skin at a target approximately 6 to 8 inches (depending on how long you REALLY think 6 inches is...) The target is on, what one assumes would be on a normal person, a solid object. And unless your aim is that of a Manning family prodigy, the likelihood you are going to hit that target is pretty low. So, how did Dumb and Dumber do you ask?
It wasn't pretty. It took exactly five passes before Dumb nailed Dumber right square in the nose.... But here's the best part!! Dumber actually had the wherewithal to catch his beer can first before realizing his nose was doing a perfect imitation of Old Faithful. The medics were called and things progressed as expected. Although I did hear the medic say that the cause of the accident was "drinking while stupid".
I saw Dumber at the mail box yesterday and he is sporting a nice metal face plate with The Bruised & Bandaged Mark of Stupidity across his nose and face. Yeah Ladies, he's out there and available...........