Sunday, June 7, 2009

Fly the Friendly Skies

I know you can't believe it, but I am back in the blogger world.  Things have calmed down and life is starting to return to a semi-normal state.  I promise to catch everyone up ASAP, but this story was just dying to get out first and since when do I ever get on a plane and NOT have a story to tell?  Well, cats & kittens, I have a little story for ya.

Recently my Papa passed away and Ms. Tastrophie had to travel back home to say goodbye to her greatest hero.  She worshipped her Papa and was graced with 40 years of memories to keep her until she sees him again. So it's been a sad time for her.  

So off I go to fly home and since I no longer work in the frequent flyer world and can't afford upgrades or first class seats on a teacher's salary, I was flying Southwest.  This is important because Southwest doesn't have a first class section and anyone flying Southwest pretty much knows you (and the 150 other people on that flight) got the cheapest tickets you could find. Props to Southwest for keeping it real in this economy!  I hear American is charging people for toilet usage now.  

I get to the ticket counter to get my ticket and have spent a few minutes talking to the two ticket agents (TAs) when a guy comes strutting up to the second ticket agent.  By strutting, I mean walking with a sense of self importance that only the truly egotistical and blowhard people of the world can pull off.  You know them when you see them because secretly inside you are envisioning that person falling flat on his/her face while ripping their pants wide open and the whole world gets to discover that he/she doesn't have much to be strutting about.

Mr. I-AM-SO-MUCH-MORE-IMPORTANT-THEN-YOU gets to the counter and tells the ticket agent that he is on the 7 p.m. flight, but that she "needs to put him on the 5 p.m. flight " because  (and I quote) "I shouldn't have to sit and wait that long, my time is too valuable". (Yep, he's an asshat.)  The TA looks at Mr. Big Britches' ticket and proceeds to tell him he has a discounted fare and that to stand by will be change.... WOOOW

Here's where the gates of hell opened up and Mr Hell Fire decides to let everyone know just who he is.  He started screaming about how he NEVER flies on a discounted fare and how he has told his legal team never to book a discounted ticket and how dare SWA put him in a discounted ticket and by GAWD, someone is going to get fired over this!!  And did she know who he was?!  Personally I don't think she gave a rat's ass about who he thought he was, but I was thinking he was Mr. Douche-bag.

Anyway, Mr. Never-Flies-Discount whips out his cell phone and starts punching it like a monkey on crack.  By this time everyone around him has stopped what they are doing and is watching him like the attention-whore he obviously is.  

Mr. ~ Barking loudly enough that the people at the DELTA counter 20 feet away can hear him:  "GET ME LISA (holy cats, this asshat has an assistant with my name!!!) 

Mr.  ~ "DID YOU BOOK ME A DISCOUNTED TICKET? (not giving her anytime to answer)  YOU'RE FIRED!!!!  GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I GET BACK!!"

Then he snaps his phone shut.  Pretty much everyone within hearing distance is in stunned silence and waiting for his next Big-Asshat maneuver. 

While he was making Lisa's day a little slice of hell, the ticket agent had been trying to tell Mr. Big Shot that his return ticket was a full fare ticket and that he could fly stand by without any changes.  Big Shot wasn't listening (as I suspect is his normal operating mode) and is now giving the TA more than enough attitude due the situation. Again props to SWA for keeping it real, because the TA just tilted her head to the side and gave him a look that said "are you done?" until Blow hard ran out of steam.

Now, being how I am a "Lisa", I tend to have an affection for others who are cursed with the "Lisa" as well.  And I for one, was not about to let Mr. Asshat have to last say in any show down with a fellow "Lisa".  I don't care if she really is a colossal f*ck up of an assistant or if she has three heads.  She is still a member of  the "Lisa-hood" and I am honor bound to see to it that she be avenged.  Besides, this guy has it coming to him and only Ms. Tastrophie has the attitude to do this one right.

After I received my ticket, I turned to leave the counter.  Walking right by Mr. Don't-Mess-With-Me-Because-I-Don't-Fly-Discount, I looked him square in the eyes and said loudly enough for everyone to hear me (cause that's just the Ms. Tastrophie way

"YOU'RE A PRICK"!!  

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought that because several people clapped as I walked to security.  The kicker:  Mr. Prick was on my flight and sat a row behind me.  I, of course, had to make sure that I told everyone around me (in an overly staged voice) the story of this total Prick who was making an ass out of himself at the ticket counter and what a jerk he was for firing his assistant.  Her life is obviously so much better now that she doesn't have to work for him anymore.  And, really, if he was such a big shot then why the hell was he not flying American or some other airline that is known for kissing the asses of pompous windbags like him?  Why was he flying on SWA with us little people?  

He never said a word and when we got off the plane in Dallas, if looks could kill I would have been Dead On Arrival.

4 comments:

LarryLilly said...

You let him off easy.

I would have asked him if he had changed his diapers recently, cause he seems to act like a little boy with a pant load.

Vanessa said...

AssHat indeed! Sometimes it's just funny to watch people make total asshats out of themselves in public. I have one word for him: KARMA. Wouldn't it be funny if he got fired because he made so much money and the company needed to make budget cuts, and since his salary was largest, they could let him go and only loose one person? I've actually seen this happen. Again, KARMA!

dg said...

OMG - that is AWESOME! Snaps to you for keepin' it real! I probably would have popped off to him too.

That's just the way we roll.

And I'm with Vanessa on the Karma - ooooh, I believe in Karma, I do. That guy has a gallon of negative stuff about to dump on him.

Wine and Words said...

I'm not a Lisa, but I want to be in the HOOD! You are hilarious and I look forward to the rest of your Tastropies which (oh please God) outshine my calamities and make me more appreciative of my realities!