Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Dumb & Dumber, Part Deaux

File Another One Under 
More Shit You Will Never See A Woman Do...

Some people in life never learn.  And some people in life just should not be let alone to their own devices.  Thus we have the continued tales of Dumb and Dumber...  Note: this tale was told to Ms. Tastrophie and as she did not see it ~ can not vouch for it's validity.  Although based on the stupid sh*t she has seen these two do... she doesn't doubt that it happened.

Dumb & Dumber are residents in my apartment complex and from what I can gather from various sources, their time here might be short ~ especially after their latest & greatest drug induced debacle.  A past Saturday, Dumber was nursing his war wounds back at the scene of the great football vs. nose battle.  Again he was accompanied by his trusted side kick: Dumb.  This time since Dumber is on pain killers for his broken nose, they decide to opt out of drinking.  Instead they decided to smoke pot.  At the pool.  In public.  For everyone to see and smell.  

After a time, the Baked Lays twins got the munchies.  Our pool has two sets of grill for the residents and they can be used at any time on a first come first serve basis.  The Dumb-ass twins get some grillin' food and go to use the grill.  Some where between the cooking and all the smoking, Dumb decides to add a little kung fu fighting.

Now in between boggartin' the dubitch and being as fast as lightning, the dynamic duo managed to actually KNOCK OVER the top portion of the grill.  A little background info on the grill.  The grill component sits atop a pole through which the gas is fed via a pipeline.  If you removed the top/grill part, the pole and pipeline are still vertical.  And gas continues to flow.  Does anyone see how knocking the top portion off would not be the best option at a family pool late in the day on a Saturday?  Apparently not Dumb and Dumber because that's where they found themselves.  

Then as if being higher than Santa's Workshop on the map and engaging in property damage were not enough, the Fabulous Baked Boys try to LIGHT THEIR FARTS ON FIRE using the gas from the grill.  Much to their lack of understanding about the primal use of fire and methane, this experiment did not ignite.  At this point I will defer to the Great Chem Gods: Mjenks and Chemgeek on all things methane and combustion.  (Please see these two great combustion gurus for all your "blowing sh*t up" needs.)

Thanks to the good thinking on other pool goers part, the police were called, the gas turned off and Dumb & Dumber got to take a nice trip downtown.  although the way I hear it, they were not able to sit in the paddy wagon as their butt-patty melts were too singed.  Again ladies, these guys are out there and available.  I know we all will be just waiting in line for them to make bail.  


Chemgeek said...

Oh, I wish I could have seen that.

I can confirm that methane burns real good and that farts contain methane that can burn, but what you have described defies all logic and common sense. Calling them "Dumb and Dumber" may not be accurate enough.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

@Chemgeek: Like I said: I wasn't there. It was only told to me by ALL my neighbors. I'm still trying to figure out the mixture of propane, methane and pure stupidity it would take to create this level of stupidity. But then again, Chemistry was never my forte. Thus I defer to you and Mjenks on all the "Big Boom" theories.

Wine and Words said...

This is the one thing I miss about apartment living....having a front row seat to raw, unadulterated lunacy! Stay outta that pool. Who knows what else they may have done down there!

Vanessa said...

I should know better than to drink ANYTHING while reading your posts! Gawd, you truly can't cure stupid. Nor can you prevent it from procreation.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Too bad things didn't combust properly. Sounds like the herd needs a little thinning.

Chemgeek said...

Yeah, I'm with Jenks. We were one activation barrier away from thinning the herd a bit.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

@Wine: I know! It makes you not want to use the pool chairs as well!

@Vanessa: There should be some sort of license to be able to reproduce! These two would have theirs revoked ~ that's for sure

@Mjenks & Chem: AMEN!!