A few years ago my old vacuum cleaner decided to go on strike. It had had it with trying to pick up the cat hair, my hair, random stuff and dust bunnies that make a house a home. In my neat-freak panic I decided that I was going to quit throwing money down the drain and invest in a vacuum cleaner that would really suck. One that had a reputation for never losing suction. The kind of suction that would make a high school slut and a trailer hitch proud. So I forked over 500 big ones for your DC14 Animal.
RRRROOOOWWWWRRR. Even the name sounded like it could peel the paint off a wall from 50 paces. My inner cleaning animal was unleashed. I developed a relationship with your DC14 that bordered on co-dependent. It would suck the padding from underneath the carpet as I hit the high notes like Liberace in Vegas. The feeling of clean carpet under my toes made me want to pull it out and use it every day. For $500, I was getting the kind of satisfaction that normally comes from a day long Law & Order marathon, vodka, xanex, and HoHo coma.
Now, just like Mick Jagger ~ I can't get no satisfaction. Apparently when your inventor, James Dyson, said "never" he was talking more like approximately 4 years. Cause this baby doesn't suck any more! Nothing! Not even the random piece of string that I ran over 25 times, then picked up to inspect, then returned to the floor to run over again 25 times. So much for never loses suction. Even the high school slut is still giving out after 4 years! Doing the math (cause that's what former math teachers do), my Dyson only gave me $125 worth of suction a year. I don't think of that as suction so much as I consider it getting screwed.
So now I have a new vacuum with a much smaller price tag and it sucks just fine, thank you. At the price I paid for this little Hoover sucker if he gives out at the end of the year I'm not going to be upset. As for your DC14 Animal, he is now residing outside my apartment complex dumpster. In fact, DC14 has been sitting out there for two days now and even the dumpster divers won't take him. Guess that tells you something, doesn't it?
Dyson, you don't suck ~ you blow.