Sunday, April 20, 2008

Monkey Screwing

AHHHHH sweet revenge.  The taste of pure joy at knowing the Monkeys are getting a little "what-goes-around-comes-around" action.  The dumb-ass Monkeys at Big Clueless and Big Heartache apparently have paid me twice for my last set of claims.  And I am just tripping over myself to get to the phone to tell them this.  Oh yeah, not so much.  I think I am going to pretend that I didn't notice.  In fact, I didn't notice all the way to the bank to deposit that check. 

I think turn about is fair play.  I mean, why should I be in such an all fired rush to send them their money, when they weren't exactly bending over backwards to get me mine in the first place.  Let that money earn a little interest in MY account for a while. (Whatever. You know I spent every penny of that second check the minute I got it. I am a one person economic stimulus package.) They can wait for the refund and I will be sure to extend them EVERY courtesy they gave me. I will gladly let my voice mail take a message for me with the promise that I will return the call within a 24-48 hour time frame... only after they have left the 16th message and have threatened to physically walk into their office and meet with me face-to-face. 

I am more than happy to process a refund within a 30-60 day turn-around time frame provided I have the correct address on file. This is the St. Louis office and not the Dallas office I am sending it to, right?  Oh, it's the Dallas office.  I'm sorry. Would you send me that address again, I don't have it in my system.  Once I get it I will process the request for return of funds:
"Dear Big Clueless:  
I am unable to process your request for a refund at this location.  I am forwarding your claim to my summer cottage in Borra Borra for it to be handled there. Thank you and have a nice day." 

Oh yeah, I am going to have the correct claim amount that this return of funds corresponds to. Are you sure it was the fourth claim set?  I don't seem to have that on my computer.  Maybe imaging has it.  Oh wait, I AM imaging.  Well, it takes me about 72 hours to scan a claim into the system before I can access it.  Right now my Big Chief Notepad and Pencil is down for repairs, so it might take me a few more days to get the image into the system. 

Then the request will go to me for processing. Which if I added correctly means you should be seeing your refund sometime right before hell freezes over.  (With global warming that might be sooner than you think.)  Until then, might I suggest a few xanax and Ho-ho's to help get you through the waiting.  If your lucky, you can submit the prescription for reimbursement through your claims department.  I'm sure they will be all over that like a fat kid on a twinkey.  Reap the turn-around Big Monkey.  

Oh, I am sooooo loving this.  Karma can be so cool when she isn't kicking my @$$. 
P.s.  I am so far behind on all my correspondence.  I promise to get caught up by the end of the week.  Thank you everyone for the support.  Happy blogging


the incomparable mjenks said...

I was going to say something pithy and snarky, but then a co-worker came over and chatted me up, so I'll just say that Monkeys are funny and that I hope you invite us all out to Bora Bora with you.

Abbie said...

LOL!!! LOL!!!
Karma, she's a piece of work. Hopefully, it'll be just a "few" bucks to them so they won't miss it.

Nilsa S. said...

So funny that I wrote about karma today, though more about the angelic side of it.

Sometimes, I wish I could wait in the doctor's waiting room for an extra 45 minutes. Do my nails. Return some calls. Read email. Just to piss them off as much as they piss me off by making me wait waaaay past my appointment time.

DG said...

Karma's a bitch, babe, but occasionally it is your friend. Looooove the new blog template!

PrincessB said...

Love the new blog banner! Hope they won't discover that extra cash! Heck, they underpay you as a teacher anyway!

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Nilsa -
Good idea!! I would love to charge them a co-pay to wast my time since they over-booked their schedule and I had to wait for 45 minutes. Too bad we can't sue for cruel and unusual punishment over having been forced to read Highlights magazines from 1985!!

DG - thanks! I love the new-do myself.

Vanessa said...

I love it when you write about the insurance company! And yes, isn't Karma fabulous when it's working for you?