Thursday, April 10, 2008

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

OK, don't ask me the details on this one (my parents read this for crying out loud!) but the term "Missionary Position" came up in a conversation the other day.  And somewhere along the way the topic turned to the more inquisitive.  

Which is remarkable given that most of my alcohol induced inquisitions usually lead to me either: 
a) my getting asked to leave the establishment 
b) my pondering of the real meaning behind "who let the dogs out?"
Not exactly the Rhodes Scholar of deep thinking here, am I? 

The question came up about how the term "Missionary Position" earned it's rightful place in our sex-vocabulary.  Deep, prodding thoughts ensued. Ok, maybe not so deep thoughts since there were margaritas and a bunch of giggling 30-40 year old "girls" involved.  Did you know women are worse than men when it comes to cracking off-color remarks and making seriously bad puns about anything sex related?  Yeah, I'm blaming the booze.

After pondering the subject into oblivion, I decided I would do some on-line research since I have a hard time letting stuff like that go and it was driving me nuts not knowing this oh-so-important piece of information. 

According to Winkipedia: A common myth states that the term "missionary position" arose in response to Christian missionaries, who taught that the position was the only proper way to engage in sexual intercourse. This explanation probably originated from Alfred Kinsey's Sexual Behavior in the Human Male through a confluence of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of historical documents.[2][3] To date, lexicographers and sexologists have not found use of the term "missionary position" prior to Kinsey.

Apparently we have Kinsey to blame for this term and not some repressed missionary.  Thank Gawd, cause I was about ready to just pun my butt off on all sorts of bad, bad, bad religion and sex connections.  Prior to the Kinsey Report the Missionary Position had many other names.  Almost as many names as we can create for various parts of our bodies that we use to engage in the Missionary Position (please see this blog because the Incomparable MJenks really does the funny on that one ) 
And now you know. Even if you never wanted to know; you now know and this knowledge will haunt you like it is haunting me. It's begging me to make all manner of bad jokes and puns.  ~Really, you'all don't know how lucky you are that I am tired and can't bring myself to write them all out.  (And my parents read this; which means I already have some explaining to do.) 
It will gnaw at ya and drive you crazy just like the information I have on squirrel nuts... which will keep you from EVER looking at squirrels in the same way again.  But now that I have your curiosity peaked on what is up with squirrel nuts ~ I'll save it for another post. 

P.s.  I apologize for the bad formatting.  Bloggerspot is not the best in the WYSWYG format.  Hopefully the new website will be better.  


Vanessa said...

New website? Are you switching? Wordpress? Typepad? Do tell!

Have you ever seen the movie Kinsey? If not, you should Netflix it. I even think Blockbuster has this one, in fact. Revealing, insightful and entertaining all at the same time.

DG said...

You crack me up! Oh - and I read your post on my site about the, er, challenges that you've had in teaching. HOLY SHI-ITE MUSLIMS. That is NUTS. Pleasepleaseplease tell me that your administration at the school suspended those evil loser kids? I responded on my site. I believe the only appropriate way to correct this trend of teenage misbehavior is for teachers to pack heat. PERIOD.

the incomparable mjenks said...

Gives an all new meaning to the notion of squirrels burying their nuts in your yard.

I'll match you pun for sexual pun all night long.

Thanks for the link. I feel honored to be attached to this here fine least for it's last few gasping hours worth of breath.

Abbie said...

Lisa...I hope you are getting ready to have your blog blow up??

Every creature and their momma, looking to "ponder" the term missionary position are going to be directed right to your blog.

PS: Make sure you send info on the new link. And Please blog more than -like once a week.

PS: You can now comment on my blog. Fixed it this weekend.

the incomparable mjenks said...

Don't worry too much what Abbie has warned you about. Despite my "poon" and "hard wood" connection, I am not seeing a sudden increase in perviness around my site. I am getting a lot of sweet hits from somewhere called "Lisa-tastrophies" though.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I have a squirrel that moons me from perched on top of my privacy fence. All I know is that if anyone ever questions how you tell a girl squirrel from a boy one, the correct answer is: if you have to ask, it's a girl. =P