Wednesday, January 14, 2009

So Help Me GOD!!

Lord Almighty what the F*CK has this country come to?  Sooooo, let me get this straight.  I am not supposed to offend YOUR delicate civil liberties by discussing, praying about, mentioning, and/or otherwise acknowledging in an oath that I believe that there is SOME form of a higher being other than Homo sapiens?  BUT you can sue me and infringe upon my right to swear to, believe in, pray for, or otherwise publicly acknowledge that I believe someone else is watching over and helping me?  Tell me again why MY beliefs are wrong but YOUR beliefs are right?  Oh I guess you forgot that whole Rodney King plea: "Can't we all just get a long?"  Or that part about not judging lest you be judged your self.  Or that I'm rubber and your glue ~ whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!!  For Jimminy Cricket's sake, who really gives a shit if the man says "so help me God" or if he says "so help me Jimmy Buffet" as long as he says he is going to faithfully serve and defend our country!?!?!

Because if I didn't believe in a higher power, I would have to slit my wrists right now over the thought that F*cktards like this asshat are not part of Satan's big plan and the world really is just going to sh*t in a hand basket all on it's own.  Because, REALLY?!? Who gives a crap which God Obama is going to ask help from as long as he is asking for help for our country, it's people, servicewomen and men, ending THAT war!  And while, yes, I would prefer that he be asking the same God I use when praying for these things, I'm not going to sue him in hope of him not being able to take the OATH of office.

So here's some free advice about dealing with the "so help me God" issue....... JUST DON"T LISTEN TO THAT PART OF THE OATH!!!  Holy rat-f*ck, I solved the entire problem.  If you don't like it you can move to a country where they tell you which temple/church you will worship at and with which idol/God/deity and how many times a day you must worship and if you don't they will whip/beat/crucify you to within an inch of your sorry life "SO HELP ME GAWD/ALLAH/BUDDA/XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS"!!

P.s. this post was brought to you by the makers of Ambein and xanax and their friends at Smernoff.


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I thought that he was going to swear himself in on the Koran. Isn't that what Hillary tried to tell us this spring?

Can we just get this damned inauguration over with? Christ, I'm sick of this crap already.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

MJENKS: Yeah, I thought that too until Hillary lost and starting singing out the other side of her mouth.
And Amen!! to the getting it over all ready. Do you know, I have been "ordered" by the district to have the students watch the inauguration ALL day on Tuesday? I am fairly certain that most of it is going to be lost on the juvenile delinquents I teach.
P.s. Thanks for always commenting. It makes my day :-) even if I can't quite understand the love of that big brown pork thing you have on your site.

Chemgeek said...

Come on Lisa. Where is the love for Bacon Log?!?!?

Maybe Barack should use Bacon Log for his oath.

I agree with both of you. Please let this election end so we can get on with our lives.

dg said...

I think I just shit my pants from giggling too hard.

Oh dear. I sharted.

dg said...

Oh. Almost forgot. If Michelle Obama wears that fucking designer black widow monstrosity that she wore on election night at the inauguration, I will stab myself in the eyeballs repeatedly with a steak knife until the memory is obliterated from my mind.

H-A-A-A-A-TED that dress.