After the pre-ordained* hour of listening to our Pastor telling us about the meaning of having a giving heart, the Christmas season, and being charitable to others, it was time to go.
I got into my car and proceeded to start backing out of my parking spot. Now, before I started backing out, I did my safety checks. I looked Left Behind** ~ check. I looked Right Behind ~ check. And I looked straight behind ~ oohhh nice Aaasss..... Uh, Check. I even fixed my lipstick in the rear view mirror before I completely committed to putting the gear in the reverse position.
Now, I took driver's education about the time that law makers started requiring set belts to be worn all the time, so my knowledge on the legality of the speed limit in a church parking lot might be a little hazy. However, I did take defensive driving a few months ago and now know the laws regarding the right of way. (And yes, I know the legality of driving 10 miles over the posted speed limit on the interstate, thank you very much Mr. I-Would-Give-A-Ticket-To-My-Own-Mother-Police-Officer.)
Anyway, I am about 2/3rds of the way out of my parking spot when this Soccer-Mom-Pimped-Out SUV comes hauling ass around the corner and slams on the brakes. By this time I am fully committed to getting out of my parking spot and was not about to throw it into drive just to tuck my Toyota totin' butt out of her way. Especially since I have THE LAW on my side. Yep, thanks to my newly minted defensive driving knowledge, I know I have the right of way in this situation. Check it people, once you are over half way out of the parking spot, Ms. Soccer-Mom-SVU has to wait on you! So there!!!
When I continue with my reversing process, Ms. I-Go-To-Church-And-Am-Obviously-A-Much-Better-Christian-Than-You proceeds to lay on the horn and flip me the bird!!!!! Wellllllll, isn't that sssspeciahhhhhhhl!! Being the much better person (of course), I just smiled, waved and mouthed "Merry Christmas............
B*tch" as I finished pulling out and drove out of sight.***
* Oh here I go, getting funny... Get it? Pre ordained Pastor. Somebody stop me.
**Get it???!!! Oh Christianity & Armageddon humor is too much
***Let's just say I am a work in progress on that whole being good to ALL God's creatures.