Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Holy Trinity or I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I can smell it.  Summer is just around the corner... If the 80 degree Texas weather doesn't have you convinced, then the antics of Jr. High Schoolers everywhere should change your mine.  I don't know if it's the increase in the pollen or daylight savings catching up, but there are 6-8th graders acting the fool all Texas this week.  It's days like these that I have to turn to the holy trinity of little helpers: xanax, Ho-ho's and THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR!!!!

Hello Ladies

Cause nothing beats zoning out on a dose of the old xan, while cramming in a double whammy of the Ho-ho and watching a three-some of blond, big-hootered women who have found the Mac-Daddy of all Sugar Daddies and are workin' it like there is no tomorrow.  Can I get an Amen???  Oh sorry, got myself worked up on that sugar high for a second.  

New guy swears that my IQ drops 20 points every time I watch this show, so right now I am working in the negative with regards to any Mensa scores.  I can't help it.  They are so much fun to watch.  I think I am a rocket scientist after any episode where Kendra speaks. Which is pretty much every episode, so get me a pen I have to start filling out job applications with NASA. 

Speaking of Kendra, I am so thankful that Hugh found her cause if ever someone was headed for a life made up of clear heels and a pole, it was her.  Much to the chagrin of Gentlemen's establishments everywhere.  And deep down inside my big boobed chest, I have to admit I secretly wish I could be one of them... for maybe a day or two... without the having to sleep with Heff stuff  ~ 'cause 80 year old ass is still 80 year old ass, no matter HOW much money you have ~eeewwwww.  

So after a hard day of kids telling me that I'm not the "real" teacher*
(I'm working on that) and that they don't have to do what I say, I need a little afternoon of mindless bliss.  Now that I have explained how to convert a decimal to a fraction for the umptenth hundred time, I need some time with my girls. So what if I have to lower the blinds and close the shades? I think I can manage the loss of IQ points. And seriously kids, you will need to know how to do those damn conversions!  How else are you going to know how to spend your hard earned McDonald's paycheck if you can't figure out that even though that Coach bag is 25% off it is still going to cost you 3/4 of your yearly income?  

5 comments:

Abbie said...

How did your certification exam go??
I've missed so many episodes of GND his season it's not even funny. And you know, watching those girls make me want to get my self in shape asap.

the indefatigable mjenks said...

This is the same thing as me listening to the R.E.M. cd the other night: no matter how dumb you feel, there's always someone out there dumber.

My IQ drops by 20 points when I watch that show, too. Not that I watch it that often, because, well, impressionable youth in the house don't need to see daddy passed out in a daze on the floor in front of the tv.

PrincessB said...

Who is "new guy"? Did I miss something?

That's funny...it would be interesting to be in Hugh's world. But you're right about the butt...yuck.

Vanessa said...

Gotta love the manic-ness of Texas spring weather! I wouldn't expect the kids to calm down before Christmas, so maybe stock up on Xanax? ;)

DG said...

I feel exactly the same. It's like stuffing your face with chocolate at 9PM. You know you shouldn't - it is going to make you fat AND keep you awake in the middle of the night, but it is SO good to be naughty! That show cracks me up!

Holly: Soooooo. I decided to redecorate because HELLOOO those posters of the models from the 80s have bushes bigger than thongs.

Bridget: Oh HOLLY! That's so funny! Hey! I need some pumpkins and scary masks! Ooooh! And I have to act smart because I have an MBA!

Kendra: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I need a soccer ball. I like to f@ck. I can't read. Wanna screw?