Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Pack Off American Airlines!!

Dear American Airlines:

It's official.  You suck.  At first I thought you were only mildly annoying when you could not manage to get me from Point A to Point B without first going to Point C.  Seriously people, get a map.  That whole spoke-and-hub thing is soooo 1950's.  Move on.  Hey, maybe you will save some money and then not have to fee-f*ck your customers to death to pay for fuel.  

Then, I was a little miffed when you decided to charge me $5 for a blanket.  Blankets used to be on the plane and it was great fun seeing grown people act like asshats trying to horde them before the last unlucky bastard got to board.  Then you decided they WEIGHED too much and you could save fuel by lightening your you dumped the blankets and pillows???  I'm sure that cut back in poundage really helped save you thousands.  The kicker was when you made me pay $5 for a blanket AFTER I had payed a FULL FAIR FIRST CLASS ticket to the tune of around $1,500. For $1,500 you should have found a hot flight attendant and had him snuggle around me using his body heat for warmth (hell, at that point, I was so cold I would not have cared if he was not "interested" in high-maintenance-oh-so-cute-kitten-heel-wearing-passengers) - Not make me pay more money.  Shit, for $1,5000 I would have sat on someone's lap and kept him warm!!  The insult to injury was when you told me you had actually asked your customers if they WANTED to pay for the blankets and reported they had said yes!!  I call BULLSHIT on this one because I know I wasn't asked and I was flying on your planes weekly.  

Now the news has announced that you have decided to charge people $15 for the first bag and $25 for the second.  So in addition to the @$$-raping you give us for our fare, you are now providing the ultimate bitch-slap and are charging us to get our clean underwear to the destination of choice!!!  Seriously, you now SUCK.  Since I can't carry more than 3 ounces of a liquid (or a gel) on the plane and my carry-on bag must fit in the over head bin or under the seat in front of me, how do you expect me to get my necessities there?  Magic carpet?  Wear everything at once and go for the layered look?  I'm sorry you are getting as screwed at the fuel pump as the rest of the country, but someone at your marketing department needs to get canned.  Because who ever thought up this BRILLIANT idea is flat out a jackass.  Just freakin hide the fuel costs in the ticket fee like everyone else; don't tell me I now have to pay extra to take my jeans and oh-so-cute-flippies on my vacation with me.  Dumabass.

So, from now on I will be putting on my big-girl-britches, swallowing my high-maintenance-pride and flying Southwest.  They are apparently run by someone with a better head for business since they could foresee that fuel would go up (HELLO??? Can anyone say non-renewable resource?  That sh*t was bound to run out/low/cost more eventually) and they was smart enough to hedge their bets.  At least I know what I am getting with them: A cattle-car-free-for-all seating plan and a $2 in-flight coke.  Plus I won't be told to pay $5 for a blanket that has been on that plane since the day it rolled off the assembly line!  I'm betting with your brave new marketing plan you will be planning another date to the courts to declare bankruptcy or whatever it is airlines do with they get stupid and can't pay their bills.  So, please put you tray tables and seat backs in their upright and lock positions in preparation for your final flight. And as always thank you for screwing the American traveler this season.

Formerly AAdvantage Platinum Member


Vanessa said...

$5 for a blanket? Who busted out the crack in marketing when they came up with this brilliant idea? Yes folks, gas will ONLY go UP in price. Its part of the whole supply/demand equation.

jesslovesnyc said...

LOL love this post - you make excellent points!! The last time I flew AA was a connection in LA to NYC, and instead of the 2 hr layover it turned into a 4 hr layover and I arrived in NYC at like 1am! Hate AA. Good for you taking your business elsewhere!!

the indefatigable mjenks said...

I like seeing it when someone other than me has a profanty-laced venting session other than me. It makes me feel a whole lot more normal...What a way to come back!

That being said, preach it on.

DG said...

Oh HELL yes! That post was fucking awesome. I hope those peckerheads at AA read this! American Airlines is going down the tubes, dude. A friend of mine used to be a pilot for them. Wanna know their profit margin? 3%! Three freaking percent! THAT'S why the US govt is constantly bailing their sorry asses out. Puh-leeze. If my company had a 3% margin, we'd have been out of business already. Ridiculous. Go get 'em!

Oh. And SW Air? MY FAVE AIRLINE. Seriously. The flight attendants sing to you. That's cherry!

LarryLilly said...

I hate flying AA, I try to only fly SW, and I also hate to go into DFW airport and much prefer Love fields.

But I prefer not to fly at all, teleconference when i can, forgetaboutit when I cant.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Yep, my cuss-o-meter is going off the chart on this one boys and girls. And I am still hatin on AA. :-Q