Sunday, February 10, 2008

Unemployment is a Bitch

Warning: This post is BITCHY. Really Bitchy. And is not directed at ANY ONE PERSON. It is mostly the venting of all my frustrations stemming from being unemployed longer than I had hoped.

Dear Everyone:
While you are at work everyday, toiling to keep the economy afloat, I want to let you know what I am doing: I am sitting on my ass watching General Hospital and smoking a big fatty!!

Margot: "Hey Elle, do you know what happened on Days of Our Lives?"
Elle: "Why yes, Margot. As you know Hope is still brain washed by the evil Stephano."
*Legally Blond-paraphrased from memory

Yep, since I quite my Hell-Job that gave me migraines, an ulcer, sent me into therapy and left me puking on the side of the road at the very thought of having to go into the office, I have been doing NOT A GOD DAMN THING! Which is apparently what everyone thinks I am doing all day based on the comments made to me.  Also, if we do not know each other in more than a very casual sense, what makes you think you have the right to make any life suggestions to me in the first place?!?!?! I don't need career advice from someone who's interaction with me has less depth than the kiddy pool at my apartment complex.

Some of my favorites so far:

1. Wal-Mart is Hiring. Really?? And what do you think I am qualified to do at Wal-Mart? Apparently nothing since they never responded my application. Not even a "thank you but no thanks" computer generated response. Starbucks turned me down.  The animal shelter was closed the day I went to sign up to foster kittens. So yes, I am wasting my 12 years of college by applying to jobs that a trained monkey could do and getting told bugger off we don't want you.

2. You have to look for a job 8 hours a day. If I spent 8 hours a day every day looking for a job I would have spent (roughly) 835 hours looking for a job. I wonder how many of you actually spend ALL 8 hours a day actually working? Not checking personal e-mails, shopping for Christmas gifts on-line or watching the latest viral video making the internet rounds? I really can not tell you how pissed I get every time some one tells me this. It's such Bullshit and we all know it - so stop it. Not to mention the small detail of: THERE AREN'T THAT MANY JOBS A PERSON IS QUALIFIED TO DO. Which brings us to #3

3. "Since you have nothing to do" or variation "Since you aren't doing anything". I would LOVE to come over to your house and help you alphabetize your underwear drawer. Or enter you in the Free Cruise give-a-way every day while you are hard at work for 8 hours without any breaks what-so-ever and can't enter this yourself. Especially since I know I am not the "companion" you would be taking on this fabulous trip for two to sunny Port-of-Somewhere-Other-Than-Here. Yes, I want to pick up your brat kids from day care and run them to play-dates. Apparently not having children of my own was not a conscious decision on my part and being enclosed in my small car with your two hell-children is what I was missing in life. 

Now there is a disclaimer here. Asking honestly for help to do something is one thing and I don't mind doing things to help a friend out. However, thinking of me as your personal man-servant because I "have nothing to do all day" just pisses me off.

4. You should take a temp job. Guess what?  I tried!  Temp agencies don't want to place a person with 15 years of work experience and two degrees in a receptionist position. I don't know why. And yes, I called in available for work. And yes, I e-mailed them. And yes, I left voice messages at their call center before I went to bed every night. The only thing they have assigned me is a restraining order.

5. You should apply to insert job/company/position here. Please remember that just because you wanted to be a plumbing crack repairman does not mean that job is for everyone. There are only so many jobs a person is qualified (or over-qualified to do) and applying to every single job listed is just stupid. If the qualifications for a job list a PhD in astrophysics, what makes you think they are even going to look at my resume once the computer pre-screens it and sees that a Bachelor in Under Water Basket Weaving degree was the highest I earned? Get real people, this comment is so beyond common sense that I have a hard time not throttling the person speaking. It's usually uttered with some other insane comment about the shot-gun approach to job hunting and how someone is bound to call me eventually based on the rule of averages.

6. You should.... You could.... Why don't you...... 
Should have, Could have, Would Have as the saying goes and yes I have. I know that any sentence starting with one of these is meant to be of some help and deep inside I really do appreciate that you want to help. Please see it from my side right now. I am unemployed, broke and can't find a job. My nerves are a little raw and I am just this side of super-sensitive about the whole damn thing.

Keep it up people and I will buy a pair of clear heels and head towards the nearest pole. I'm smart enough to know that men are dumb enough to pay $20 for a three minute song in order to view twins they will never get to touch. And since everyone has already written me off as a fucking loser for not being able to find a job, pole dancing should just solidify the opinion.  (P.s. I really wouldn't do this, but it sounded good when I was venting.)

Thus endeth my rant.  Again, this was just venting and not directed to any one person.  I apologize in advance if anyone takes it personally.


Vanessa said...

No worries, your blog is your blog. If someone doesn't like the venting, they don't have to read. Job hunting is seriously frustrating. There is no one size fits all advice. My best advice is just to know that you are not alone and many share your frustrations, you just seem to have come across the self righteous crowd who feels they can freely dispense the advice since they obviously feel superior that they are not in your position. Seriously, best of luck with the job search.

Also? Absolutely do the 100 things list. Message me when its done so I can look. And yeah, I'd love it if you linked me, but you certainly don't have to if you don't feel like it.

Anonymous said...

NO offense taken. Job hunting is stressful and people need to vent to release the stress.
Just release it and go back to your regular blogging stuff. We will forgive you.

jobseeker said...

Good to see I am not the only one getting this crap form people. Makes me feel better.

Oh...dear me said...

wow thats a shit! I am kind of in the same boat no one responded to my applications yet, nor Apple nor Cosmetic companies, maybe I should be buying bags and shos for a living?!