Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Death By Monkeys

I am so mad!  I mean the kind of mad you get when your logical brain can not figure out how these asshats put two and two together then got twenty-two.  I can't even pronounce everyday words like "kill" or "F*@K" right now and my ability to focus has become non-existent.  NASA is investigating reports of a sonic boom that coincided with my screaming into the phone.  That kind of mad.  I will give you three guesses with whom I just ended an hour long phone call:

Was it:
1. The chinese food delivery place 
2. A member of my family

Everyone that voted for number three: you win.  Somehow this company, which is run with even less efficiency than the U.S. Government, has managed -AGAIN- to bugger up my claims. Here's the kicker: I filed two sets of claims at roughly the same time.  Set one was for the end of 2007 and set two was for services that started this year.  I find it very interesting that BH&BC can't manage to pay me my money, but they did manage to inform me that this year I now have a $500 deductible... The "We Ain't Gonna Pay You" letter was received two weeks after the claim was filed - even though that particular claim was filed only a week after the set one claim - which they have managed to F*@K up.  Seriously, they drag their feet and make up more BS than a sixth-grader who forgot his homework (& trust me I know what kind of BS a 6th grader makes up - but more on that in another blog).   Yet, they will push their own mothers into hell, sell their children into slavery and jump through a ring of fire so fast it would burn your @$$ two states away to send you an non-payment EOB (Explanation of Benefits) when they don't have to give you any dough.

These people are seriously getting on my "PEOPLE TO KILL" list.  (It's a small, but distinguished list that used to be larger when I was working for Ascend Into Hell Company, but has managed to shrink since then.)  And this is not a good thing since I really hate the color orange and have a large aversion to showering with other women.  

I can understand not wanting to pay a bill.  Hell, I go through that every month when I get my Visa statement.  (By the way, I really did need those oh-so-cute and ever-so-fashionable kitten pump heels.  I mean, you can't expect me to teach middle school kids in three inch FMPs??? Sorry, not happening - no matter what David Lee Roth thinks). But it's time to pay up people.  I got things to buy with that money and you are standing in my way.  Which is like standing in front of a speeding train whispering "stop".  You will lose and it will not be pretty.  Trust me bigger people have tried and died.... I'm the freaking Bloody Red Baron when it comes to spending money and I have a wallet stamped with proof of my "kills" to prove it.  

So, what we obviously have here is a "failure to communicate" (*See Cool Hand Luke).  Most likely based on the fact that I do not speak Dumb-ass Monkey and BC's Dumb-ass Monkeys don't understand English.  Really.  How much plainer can I make it.  YOU OWE ME MONEY - GIVE IT TO ME NOW.  Crap, I think my cats understood that.  I am so peeved at these F*@k-whits that I can barely keep my hands from wringing the phone in two.  The first two go rounds of Tax ID and NPI numbers were not enough, they are now claiming the CPT codes are wrong.  Funny.  They are the same bloody CPT codes that you dimbwhits paid on the last two claims and managed to "post towards this (mysterious) $500 deductible".  All of a sudden they are wrong?!?!?  UUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

I am off to find the xanax and Ho-Ho's because this is becoming more than one non-medicated non-chocolate-high-induced person can handle.  As soon as I pry the phone from my Kung-Fu Death Grip.


Beckie said...

Wow. I can only imagine. It took me six (6) calls just to change my address with my insurance company. My sympathies and if you need it - I'll fedex some ho-hos!!

Vanessa said...

Amazing that this is what we call a health care system. How many heart attacks are caused by said system? That's a figure I'd be interested in. Canada? Do you want me? I like snow....