Friday July 10th at 12:45 p.m., Mr. Bud E. Phat went to wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge*.
After two months of battling with medical problems, my Buddy could fight no more. After careful consultation with his personal vet, we decided that his quality of life would not improve and it would be best to let him "retire". I cradled him in my arms. Whispered "I love you" and looked him in the eyes, so that the last things he would see and hear in this world was his mom's love. I told him I would come for him one day and to wait for me at the Bridge with Baby Kitty and Turbo (my cats who have gone ahead of him). He lay peacefully in my arms as we said our goodbyes. Me giving him paw-kisses. He giving me, with the last of his strength, one final head-butt goodbye. I cried at the sight of his life leaving; fading those beautiful green eyes as they closed in death. My heart was screaming "Don't go! Stay with me forever", but I knew that he was no longer in pain and I had done the right thing.
I'm sorry this is not a better written goodbye, for Buddy really deserves one, but right now the grief is too raw. Each corner of my house holds some memory of our life together. A feather toy here, a cat hair covered pet bed there. The luggage he would lounge on as if he too had been a frequent flier. The corner of the bath tub where he would sit in silent demand until you turned on the water for him to drink. His spirit fills every nook and cranny.
Elsa is missing her big brother. She meows for him as she searches throughout the house. She goes to his favorite spots and looking to see if he is there. She doesn't understand why there is now only one food bowl on the floor. Often she will sit by the window, looking at Buddy's favorite patio perch, as if she is expecting him to return at any moment. One day I may get her another brother or sister, but for now we will have to take comfort in each other and the knowledge that one day we will all be together again.
*THE RAINBOW BRIDGE
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....