Friday, August 29, 2008

Get Your Drink On... While You Still Can

I was driving home when I got the panicked voice mail from my best diving buddy KK (who is also a fellow Margarita enthusiast).  She was gasping for air and I couldn't quite make out what she was saying.  It sounded a little like:  "AAAAAAAA ....shortage.... tequila.... must.... get.... more.... not... going... to.... make... it... send... reinforcements."  

Did you'all hear this?  Several news sources announced last week that because Mexican farmers have raced to plant more corn in response to the growing demands of ethanol makers, we may experience a Tequila shortage in the near future.  Holy Shit Drinkman!!! That announcement sent me on an all night tequila-fest bender which ended in my singing a slightly (ok, really off-key) off-key rendition of Shelly West's beloved ballad "Jose Cuervo You Are A Friend of Mine" and my cats pleading for sanctuary (or at least earplugs) on the steps of St. Sauza and the Sacred Shot Glass.  The next day armed with a killer hang-over, the feeling of a fuzzy sock in my mouth, dark sun glasses and a fist full of Benjamins, I cleaned out the local liquor store of every rot-gut-brand Tequila I could find (and one bottle of some really expensive shit I can't pronounce just cause the label was cute).  

Now I am all for alternative fuels and lowering our dependance on oil, but when you are standing between me and getting my drink on... Well, you have gone way to far.  I don't know who I am going to have to "have a little talkin' to" about this miss direction of our priorities, but you had better believe I am writing a strongly worded letter to the Mexican government asking them to intervene. 

As for the U.S.A., we got 10 states that produce corn.  That's 1/5th of the country.  Two of which I have personally lived in and can attest to the fact that there really isn't much there BUT corn. SOOOO its time to step up and boost that corn production.  I don't care if you have to spray on every pesticide, insecticide, herbicide within a tri-state area while planting every genetically altered strain of seed known to man in order to meet the demands.  Just get your plant on and let the country of Mexico get back to doing what they do best:  Creating a drink that makes me think that the guy with four missing teeth and a belly bigger than Buddha is cuter than a bucket of kittens at closin' time.  


Chemgeek said...

Esa bastardos!!!!!!!!!

Dar nos tequila rapido!!!!!

No mas alcohol etilica, bitte!!!


(p.s. I made that Mexican up, but I'm sure it's pretty good)

Anonymous said...

WHAT?? I must go out and buy some Jose immediately! And make some bad decisions!

Vanessa said...

Good Gawd, what is the world coming to?

DG said...

Not only is the corn/ethanol-fest robbing us of highly (HIGHLY) valuable te-kill-ya, it is also robbing third world countries of actual food. I listened to a report on CNBC the other night that took place in India. One of the main economic government dudes over there bitched about ethanol and how it was robbing his country of corn for people to eat. I filled up the other day and saw a "Now with 10% ethanol blend!" sign on the pump. I thought, "Gosh. Isn't that great? I'm so glad little Indian children can't eat now. Hooray for me and my car."

Stupid energy fuckers. Just drill for regular oil and let the corn go back to doing what God intended it to do . . . give me a hangover!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Damn, first Hurricane Hanna threatens to ruin my football this weekend, and now this?!?!?!?!? Don't the Mexicans know I'm a Notre Dame fan and that I need, nay, depend on my spirits to keep my spirits up during football season. HAVE THEY SEEN JIMMY CLAUSEN'S GIRLY HAIR??? Curse them. Or, uh, el curso de cuevo. Right!