Thursday, December 27, 2007

Insurance Monkeys Part Deaux

Round two of monkeys at the insurance company.

According to the primates at Big Clueless, after round one of our claims fiasco, they now have the provider ID number in their database. This will insure that any new claims would be processed quickly and promptly....or so I was told. Then again Disney told me I would kiss a frog, marry a prince, become a princess and live happily ever after....turns out they were lying bastards as well.

I fill out the paperwork for the next set of claims. I send them TO the Dallas office. For good measure and just in case the monkeys at Big Clueless couldn't quite figure out that THE DALLAS office is supposed to process the claim, I cover the claim with a sheet of paper that states (typed in 22 point bold font) "THIS CLAIM IS PROCESSED IN THE DALLAS OFFICE. DO NOT FORWARD TO ST. LOUIS." It was written two times on the cover sheet. In Bold ink. Capital letters. Two times. DId I mention 22 point font?

So I go about my life thinking every thing is hunky-dorky and my claim is being processed and my check will arrive any day............About a month latter, I get THE LETTER - (as I am lovingly referring to my favorite mass produced-electronically signed-kicked out-claim letter). "We can not process your claim at the office. We are forwarding it to the the DALLAS office...." The light begins to fade as I sip from consciousness....
I read the letter again. WTF?!? Are these people just trying to piss me off? Do they really have some sort of death wish? Thank GAWD I live in Texas and somebody get me a shotgun cause these people just need a-killin".

I find my phone, xanax and something to strangle in effigy, while I dig through the insurance paperwork looking for a number to call Big Clueless in order to give them a piece of my mind. Ten minutes of muzak hell, I finally get the first unfortunate monkey to answer the phone.

Me: Get me a supervisor.
BC: Can I help you?
Me: No. trust me you do not want to deal with me, please connect me to a supervisor. (HEY! I did say please!)
BC: Ma'am (OH NO SHE DIDN"T!!!)
BC: Ma'am (Yep she did) We are supposed to deal with the client problems, not the supervisors. That's our job, not theirs.**
**Are we still in America? First off this was a truly odd moment in the workplace. No one ever says it's THEIR job. And where was this one hard charging worker bee when my first claim was going through? No wonder these idiot can't get anything done!
Me: I appreciate your help, but I have already had this issue with Big Clueless and would like to get to the bottom of this right away. I completed the form as requested. You have the provider ID number in your system. I triple verified the mailing address. I even put a nice note on the claim. So why the h#ll did it get sent to the St. Louis office...AGAIN? I WANT TO TALK TO A SUPERVISOR!!!

Two days later I get the first call from Ms Ape (Big Clueless Supervisor) which goes to my voice mail. Since I can't call her directly, I have to go through the same process above in order to return her call to have her return my call. After the longest running game of phone tag I have ever played that has not ended with me beating in someone's head with my phone; I get to the bottom of the claim problem. Not only am I psychotic, but I am supposed to be psychic as well. Because I needed to put the provider ID number on the claim form, even though the information is NOT directly or indirectly requested anywhere on the form. Thank you, Miss Cleo!!! I knew I should have been working for you. OH and the invoice from the provider has her tax/provider ID# written on it....right beside the diagnosis codes. Any person who bothered to look through the claim and not just on the claim form would have seen it since you have to look on the invoice for the PT/medical codes in the first place!!!!! Oh and that whole "we keep the ID numbers in our system.....Bullsheeeettttyyyyyy-da.

Two weeks latter, I received my reimbursement. Today, I completed the paperwork for round three of these claims. I wrote the provider ID number on every claim. I high-lighted the ID number on the invoice. I wrote a cover sheet - in 22 point font BOLD - the Provider ID number and that the claim is to be processed in DALLAS not St. Louis. I did everything short of walking to the Dallas office and personally handing it to the dumb ape that will be processing it.

Anyone willing to take bets on how long before I get THE LETTER???
Office pool is starting at $5.
Get one while it's hot and before I need bail money.


Beckie said...

Your comment over at Jennsylvania was so funny I had to check out your site. Fabulous!

Anonymous said...

You are so funny! .......

Just another form of the "IDIOT-itis" that runs rampant in Corporate America!!! Hope your blood pressure goes down soon, oh- what the 'hay' just have a glass of bubbly- N.YRs Eve is just around the corner! Cheers!

Vanessa said...

I absolutely LOVE this post. While I didn't comment at the time, I just had to let you know how many times I have referred to (likely) the same insurance company like you did in this post. Long overdue thanks for the many laughs you provided with this post. ;)