Friday, September 19, 2008

Breakin' Da Law

OK, we have all worked with someone at least once in our lives that we felt was the world's biggest blow-hard... 

Or is it just me? Because I seem to attract this jerk~off at my jobs.  If there is some asshat who HAS to go by the red-letter law of every rule/policy/procedure of the company, my boss is going to team him/her with me.  It's this giant karmic employment ass-kicking that I keep getting.  I am beginning to think that in my past life I must have stomped baby chickens for a living because I KNOW I haven't done anything in this life to reap this little piece of joy.

My co-teacher, hereafter to be referred to as Rebel with No Clue (RNC), has this thing about following every rule to the 10th degree.  Unless that rule is deemed stupid and "unlawful" by RNC in all his infinite wisdom and then I get to listen to why it is wrong and how he is going to make "The Man" see the error of his ways.  I can't tell you how many times he has "informed" me that someone is wrong and the policy states blah, blah, blah...  Usually he is trying to tell me that I am wrong.  Which of course make me HATE him more than any of the other crap he pulls.  (But you can read about that fun when I finally retire and publish my memoirs of teaching kids suffering from "punkitis".  By then I will be able to afford to change my name and move to another state.) Back to RNC's latest By-The-Book adventure.

Last week my boss tells me that to do X, I can do steps A-B or C.  To which RNC goes ape-shit nuts and tells me he (Boss Man) can't do that.  I inform RNC that if Boss Man tells me to stand on my head and whistle zippity-doo-dah out my ass, I'm pretty much going to do it...because Boss Man is (DUH) my BOSS and HE signs my paycheck and until RNC ponies up the big bucks in my bank account RNC can shut the F* up.  Now I was using this as a generic example to make the point that I work for Boss Man, not Rebel with No Clue.  RNC however misses the point by a MILE!!!  He starts telling me that Boss Man can't tell me to stand on my head and whistle zippyity-do-dah out my ass because policy says that Boss Man can't make me do anything degrading, blah, blah, blah.  I walk away and go make copies of my class assignments because had I stayed the desire to put the smack down on Clueless would have won and I would be telling you about my new found unemployment status instead.

So, I am walking back to the class and RNC comes rapidly walking towards me with this look on his face like some one just pissed in his Wheaties.  
RNC:  "Can I ask you a serious question?" 
ME: "yeah, what is it"  Now I am thinking he is going to ask me if I like working with him (Hell No) or if his feet stink (don't ask) or something even worse like if I wanted to go out with him on Friday night.  But this is what he asks:
RNC:  "If you had been one of the guards at Abu Graib prison, would you have followed orders to torture those prisoners, even though you knew it was wrong?"

OMG!!!!  "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"* (Thank you MJenks)  THAT IS YOUR SERIOUS QUESTION!!!!  Seriously!!!!

After several deep breaths, in which I envision not having to work with this jerk next year, I answer him.  No dumb-ass.  I know the difference between being told to do something that is right and something that will endanger the lives of the children I am entrusted to teach.  Not to mention this that little argument of "just following orders" doesn't have the best track record - just ask the Nazi's at Nuremberg or the guards from Abu Graib.  Again, RNC completely misses the point and begins rambling on about "lawful orders"...

I walked back to my desk, pulled out my stash of Ho-ho's and started shoveling them into my mouth as fast as I could.  To which RNC begins to tell me the district policy on eating chocolate in front of or giving chocolate to students. (BTW the students were not in the classroom at the time.)  Lord, Help me Jesus cause I am going to have to kill this man if they take away my Ho-ho's or if he quotes one more chapter/verse of the policy/procedures manual.  

So, does anyone else have to work with asshats like Rebel with No Clue?  Or is it just a small hell saved only for me?  


Chemgeek said...

What a work of art.

I don't work with anyone like this. The closest I get is someone who thinks every problem is the potential end of the universe. High maintenance.

Looks like this special hell is all yours.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Yep, RNC does the end of the universe over reaction as well. I have two code names for him depending on his mode of driving me nuts: Yosemite Sam and Chicken Little.

Vanessa said...

Does your classroom door have a lock? Because I think I'd use it. Often.

The socially unacceptable or awkward like to harp on rules, gives them something to do and provides blog fodder for the rest of us.

Maine...soon to be Houston said...

Hang in there girl - with all the trials and tribulations you're going through this first year you'll be a hardened, iron-willed teacher by the time the first day of school rolls around next fall!

We're all pulling for you!!

Caps said...

Oh sister, I totally work with that guy, and the best part is that my nickname for him is Blow Hard (shortened to BH). I think you and I may have been separated at birth.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I see nothing degrading about having to stand on your head and whistle anything out of your behind.

DG said...

Oh yeah. We've all been there. Actually, the problem I've always had is the unstated demand that I possess extra sensory perception. Because it makes sense that I should automatically be privvy to information that has A. Not been shared with me and B. Has nothing to do with me, in order to effectively do my job. Geesh. Just concentrate, DG. Let The Force be your friend.

I feel your pain, tho. I think the next time he's a pain in the ass, you should just kick him in the nuts. That'll learn him.

And you'll go to jail. But you'll have a smile on your face.

Abbie said...

lol, Lisa, even when I want to be mad with you, I can't. This is so funny. Fortunately I have no horror stories to tell at my new job. lol

Lisa-tastrophies said...

abbie: don't be mad at me :-) It's good to hear that the new job is going well

DG: Your boss thinks you have ESPN too? (Sorry my dumb-blond ESP joke) Yeah, I used to get that a lot in my old career as well.

Mjenks: Me, either. Especially if you can whistle the theme song from Jaws...

Caps: Yep, we must be sisters. We even have knitting in common!

Vanessa: Oh I would love to lock him out. Unfortunately, he teaches in my room.