Gratuitous IRS Tax Post

You knew it was coming.  I couldn't let Tax Day (or as I like to call it The Thank-You-For-Working-Your-Ass-Off-But-We'll-Be-Taking-That-Money-Now Day) pass by without some sort of yipping. Especially since I am fairly certain I screwed the pooch by doing my taxes with Turbo Tax instead of going to a CPA.  I'm really not 100% sure that a massage therapist is what Turbo Tax meant when they asked me for any money paid for "medical or therapist" visits, but until I'm told otherwise ~ it's deducted.  And I don't know what the hell the big deal is about owning a home!  So what, you pay property tax?  Big deal!  So do I.  I just happen to do it with my rent; to a management company; who pays it to the owner; who holds the mortgage on the property and pays the tax for a whole lot of people all at once.  Geeeesh!  I do however, want to thank Sallie Mae for once again this year allowing me to deduct what amounts to the cost of a lower-end BMW in student loan interest payments. (Bitch ~ I hate that woman!!)  I am still trying to get the cats social security numbers so I can claim them as dependents.  

 

Back to the giant @$$ screwing that the government loves to give us every year.  Did you know the IRS is one of the few agency that can come after you even if you are dead? REALLY!  I mean, you can kill people, take all their money, eat their food and the state can only execute you once. The IRS however can go to your grave, yank out your gold fillings, harvest your organs for resale on the black market and then pimp slap your kids for any money they might have gotten from you in allowance back in 1995 (plus interest).  Literally they can squeeze blood from a bone!!!  GAWD forbid you owe the evil little bastards money while you are still alive.  I think the chain gangs in Alabama get more clemency than a person who owes money to the IRS.  They can garnish your wages, take your home, boat, car, dog, cat and I thought I heard something about them taking your first born male child but that might have been the Pharaohs. I get confused.

Now I have to wait for my refund.  Which means Uncle Sam is collecting interest on MY money somewhere in the giant IRS we-got-your-money-and-we-ain't-gonna-give-it-back-until-the-LAST-bloody-second bank.  Of course, you know I have already spent it.  That money was spent the minute Turbo Tax said "Cha-Ching, you are getting a refund".  It said "refund" and I said "Hello, Benjamin!!  Come to Mama!  Teacher needs a new pair of shoes".  BTW they do NOT make oh-so-cut-teacher kitten heels that are comfortable AND fashionable which is one of the reasons why teachers are always so pissy by the end of the day. So if anyone is looking for a great way to make some big bucks... Bring on the fashion ~ teacher style.  But I digress.

So, on this great day of giving (you only thought it was Thanksgiving?), here's to us.  The paying, the poor, the screwed royally by the government we treasure.  And here's to that Uncle everyone has (you know the one you won't leave alone with the young kids for "special" reasons) for showing us the love.  HAPPY TAX DAY!!

P.s. I'm BAAAAAAACCCKK ~ the bitchy, inner diva, karma kicking Lisa-tastrophie has returned!!